my dewy thoughts...

getting better?

2010-05-21T16:01:00.003+08:00

this morning i woke up feeling a little better. i dont know if i have woken up from my senses or i am just escaping from reality by trying to ignore it.

i could relate the whole story to YJ over the phone without having to sob again. i could even do with a bitter laughter... my heart still aches though... how could it be so fast? i was just tearing last night during the ktv...

sometimes i wonder if god is playing a joke on me - to let me hear our song "Tell Me Where You Are" by Ago... these are the questions that i wanted to ask...

Life without you is just right, can't you see? (really?)
i feel fine since you are gone, should i say disappeared
i keep holding all my tears since i saw you for the last time
i've been through another year (i wished..)
i must say am a strong girl (i am hoping)
but tell me where you are, where you're sleeping at night
tell me who do you love now, who do you miss now
tell me what you see when you're closing your eyes
if you ever remember i was by your side
(We could be friends thought its so hard when two lovers fall apart)

the rainbow after rain

2010-05-20T12:05:00.003+08:00

the sky has been raining every morning since the fateful sunday. it seems that it felt my heart pain and the sorrow i am going through and weeping together with me. i told myself that the day when the sky is bright and sunny, it is the day that i will be better because that is when the rainbow will appear.

i cry and cry, hoping that the tears will wash away my memories of you, wash away my pain that you inflicted upon me. i cry myself to sleep together with coco - the only comfort i have now on the queen size bed, knowing you sleeping with her on our bed, on my side of the bed.

today is your birthday and i can do it is to wish you happy birthday in my heart and to god. you have made your choice to spend it with her. in fact, you made your choice long ago. the moment you packed me away, packed our memories away, decided to look for her in may, went to krabi with her, brought her back home, let her to sleep on my bed and let her be your female passenger seat. basically took over my position in your heart.

all the promises you made before you went on your "self journey" trip are all emptied. it no longer hold anymore. my hope and love for you dashed to powder when you decided to walk the path you chose now. Afterall there is so much love i can give.

i know no one can help me. i pray to god that if you really love her, i pray that she loves you as much as i do. i will pain but i also know god will take this pain away from me.

~happy birthday, dearz dearz~

new work place...

2008-12-11T14:55:00.004+08:00

when was my last entry for this blog? must be ages ago for i nearly forgot my password for my sign-in.

i have never feel this bad whenever i start the new job... this is probably the worst out of the 3 times. i am serious... I have always think that i have no problem breaking ice with strangers or colleagues... why does it feel so difficult this time?

on my first day of work, i felt abandoned cos colleague just left me alone in the IT dept to get my laptop & the rest just left for lunch. My first lunch @ work is to eat starbuck sandwich alone. i tried inviting myself to their lunch but how many times can i invite myself to their lunch? sometimes they just go off secretly... besides the weekend, PH and 2-day course, today is the 5th time that i eat alone at lunch within the 2 weeks.

i cant seem to join in in any part of the conversation. is that as good as being dumb? whatever activities they have, they dont ask me so i cant possibly gatecrash right? at this rate, i think i am suffering from depression soon...

长跑健将

2008-04-01T10:07:00.002+08:00

你是否是个爱情长跑健将？久久都在爱情的跑道上与爱人慢跑？
我佩服这些在跑道上的情侣们。
或许是自己的性格，我从来都不觉得自己适合跑道。所以需要分隔两地的爱情，我不会考虑或需要与别人分享的，我更不可能接受。
在往公司途中，我在想，恋爱的情侣何尝不像跑道上的健儿？在开始跑的前200米，总是中气十足。恋爱的开始一定是甜蜜，所有的事都千依百顺，蓄势待发。跑的中途，你开始觉得气喘了。在感情上，双方开始看见对方的缺点，不时斗嘴。最后的500米，开始头晕，两脚无力，力不从心。生活中的点滴不满累计，大家怀疑、猜测对方，性格不合。

有些跑了许久也看不到终点。结果，有些选手中途就放弃，一直没有同步的到达终点；有些而继续勇往直前；有些还玩接力赛。少点毅力和恒心，真的还不可以。所以我是双手对在跑道上跑了又跑的人致敬！

虽然我可以是任何事只要能方便别人，我都可以。但是一谈到感情的话，我是绝对的完美主义者。有时我想我几时能看到终点？到终点有这么重要吗？

new found old friends

2008-02-20T22:14:00.004+08:00

不知道是不是人年纪越来越大，开始老了，就开始念旧，找回已经失去联络的朋友。

最近因为Facebook迅速的普及化，许久不见及已经失去联络的小学同学逐渐的出现在我的生命中。也许当时年纪小，不懂人情世故，与同学们之间好像没什么很深的友谊。在小六离校后就几乎不曾有联络。

这也没什么不好，只是大家的生活中都不曾有对方，人生经验也截然不同。那现在碰上了，也不晓得能说些什么或该说什么好。就象刚刚才知道朋友的妹妹病魔缠身，明显地他也累了，我并不晓得能安慰什么。

有时候觉得不变也不是一件坏事。

itchy... scratchy...

2008-01-18T09:14:00.000+08:00

you probably have no idea now how itchy and scratchy i am feeling... sigh...
i have been having hives since Sunday and apparently it is due to some allergy reactions which i thought was the seafood that i have been eating. When i was young, i used to have hives and followed by fever and it never last beyond 2 days or more.

however i have been plagued by it till today and it is getting much worse. it has been spreading to my arms as well. the medicine and the cream that i got from the doctor do not seem to help at all. i am just so resisting the temptations to scratch them or having hot water over it!

nevertheless, i am heading to national skin care centre to see a dematologist this afternoon... just consultation fees alone is the amount i paid for 2 jabs at the a&e raffles medical hospital... it has better be able to cure me off the hives...

學

2007-10-12T10:33:00.000+08:00

一直以來所懷疑的，終于成真了。
幾許的失望，幾許的煩亂，幾許的尷尬
也許那也不是太坏的事，因爲事情總算是有個原因了。

我正在學放手，學視若無睹，是時候離開。

我突然好想去那已轉秋的台北

two's a company; three's a crowd

2007-09-20T03:24:00.000+08:00

undeniably, at this point in time when i am typing this away, i firming believe the saying... Two's a company; Three's a crowd. this rule follows in friendship, relationshi etc - everything.

being three, you will inevitably leave out the third person as conversation is a 2-way and not a 3-way. Best combination is 1 speaker and 1 listerner.

i had the bulk of it tonight.

too tired to write

2007-09-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

so much have happened

so many things to say

so much i have noticed

but

i am just way too tired to write everything down

all i want to do now is to have plenty of rest

and

whatever i cant stand looking at, will just change for better

败下阵了吗？

2007-08-11T15:07:00.000+08:00

对于一情场杀手，结束一段感情应该是家常便饭，因为通常只有对方是伤心的。看着近日的他，不但有点累，更是加上几许的忧愁。

有什么东西能让一个大男人如此憔悴？除非他这次真的是动了真感情？这异想不到的状况让我有点不知所错。我更是不晓得如何去安慰他。也许他更本就不要任何人的安慰，只要时间和空间去想清楚。

这样也好，他始终还是有真感情，能好好的去爱一个人。那我刚才的语气是否重了点？
=====
希望丘比特的下一支箭能对准对的人

irritating people.... poor services

2007-07-13T00:18:00.000+08:00

today i already have a very hectic day at work and yet, i have to be bugged by inconsiderate people and on top of that, irritating...

received a call from an insurance company affiliated to a credit card company, trying to sell me an travel + hospitalisation policy while i am in the midst of trying to decipher my chinese email and attempting to craft a reply. the conversation goes like this:

she: hello, erm.. is this ms choy... s. f.?
me: yes?
she: i am calling from XX insurance company, we have a travel+hospitalisation policy together with YY credit card company. this policy covers you $100,000 for overseas hospitalisation.... *blah blah blah*...
me: (silence cos i wasnt concentrating on her)
after 5mins ...
she: you know, this is a very good policy and only cause you $24.10 per month and we will rebate you 50% every 5 years... *blah blah blah*
me: (trying hard to butt in to stop her)
she: why not you give me your details and the policy will be sent to you in 2 weeks' time.. *blah blah blah*
10 minutes passed... finally...
me: sorry, i am not interested. already have all the above you mentioned.
she: no, but you should really get it. alot of the clients from YY credit card company were very satisfied with this policy...
me: sorry i am in a meeting
she: this covers you up to ..... *blah blah blah*
me: really.. i am in a meeting (getting frustrated)
she: you can really consider this... *blah blah blah*
me: look, i am really in a meeting (frustrated)
she: uh... okay... why not i call you tmr?...

this entire conversation took up almost 20mins of my time! what i am most irritated with was that she didnt even ask if i have the time to hear her talk!? she just happily continued with her speech and she didnt even bother to hear what i had to say... of course not saying that YY credit card company gave them my contact details! how i wised i could just slam her down on the phone!

and the 2 taxi trips that i had this evening were certainly not pleasant either. one of them drove as if that merz cab was a F1 racing car. i have the feeling of being thrown back in my seat everytime he tried to drive off. i felt like vomitting but luckily i didnt have any food.

the other cab uncle talked non-stop to me on the cab, kept on complaining about how he wonders why chinese goes with indian, scolding people who didnt keep to the pedestrian crossing, never buy to-to, lawsuit he has cos someone hit into his cab etc etc etc... from chinatown back to my office was just a straight road down keppel road, he ended up going up ecp, drove to marina south and out by prince edward road... i cant help it but telling uncle that he need not drove up the expressway in the first place.

guess what he said? "oh yah loh! i wanted to drive faster for you ma, then end up going the wrong way. sorry ah! i know i wrong thats why i said sorry. the most i deduct the fare later la" this sounds like he being caught by me to drive the loong route. when i reached the taxi stand, he deducted $0.50 0ff my fare! you mean for that stretch of road, it only cost $0.50?!

i just wanted to jump out of his cab so i didnt bother to argue with him. did i mentioned that his car was jerking all the time? bet it is worse than me driving... no wonder he got crashed at the back of his cab.

what a day... how can singapore customer services improve with such drivers and tele-marketeers?

一个依然能让我患得患失的人

2007-06-02T00:17:00.000+08:00

今晚，好朋友打了个电话给我，告知我一个我不想知道的事情。她在街上遇见了我的莫个A君，高兴的对着搂在身旁的女友有说有笑。这令我想起我们曾经在一起的时候，连牵个手都稀有。

好多感受涌上心头，但面对着疼我疼得不得了的B君，我的脸上不可以有太多的表情以免他怀疑。脑子里全都是A君和他的她的影子，挥之不去，心情大受影响。

也许我一直都在欺骗自己，让自己幻想自己已经全放下了。即使把自己的感情埋进最深处，碰到他有时传来的短讯，我还是开心；知道他与女友高兴的行走在莫条大街上，我任会难过。好像他从来就没有离开过我的心里。

A君刚捎来的短讯说他好像看到我的好友。我只能平淡的回他“是啊”，语气出乎意料的平淡。感觉上他在和我玩心理游戏，我也不晓得他听出了什么嘛，但我知道我必须真的放手了。因为已经没有回头路可以走了，唯有向前看。

我没怪我的好友因为我知道她只是为我好。我只是觉得自己很傻、很失败。一向自认很潇洒、坚强的我竟然会被自己蒙骗了许久。我想甩开这感觉。

=====

最痛苦的不是难过，而是难过却还得憋在心里，强颜欢笑。

interesting note about myself

2007-05-26T01:00:00.000+08:00

i just got back from a drink-ktv session with my friends. i think i sucked their second hand smoke more than i drink!!! Damn...

anyway that's besides the point... the point is while my friend was singing stephanie sun's new song 《我怀念的》, he mentioned that that was how he was feeling during his previous relationship.. well, if you hadn't heard about the song, i would strongly recommend because it is a nice song and you can actually find that she has improved her singing skills..

the story of the song that i gathered from the lyrics of the song is that the boyfriend two-timed girl A and girl B actually has the cheek to message girl A. as much as girl A was very upset about the entire episode and attempting to forget about the relationship, she was still very in love with him and missed all the good times they spent together yet not knowing how did the relationship came to such as state...

so immediately after he said that statement, i replied "then i must be very lucky because i have never been in that situation before". come to think about it, all the past relationships that i had, all were initiated by me and never by the guy and good to say that it was never a third party reason.

perhaps i am just that rational or maybe placed too high a standard on my partner and ever looking for a better one. usually when i dont see a point in carrying on with the relationship, i would choose to end it rather to drag it. sometimes i find it scary to be that clear-minded and i wonder if that is a good thing because you tend to be more judgemental about things and overly critical about people especially those dear to you.

well, i have discovered another thing about myself...

i passed!

2007-05-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

it has been 7 years since i last passed my basic theory test... so much has changed. from the paper multiple choices where you had to shade the correct answer and waiting 2 weeks for result, today it is all computerised with almost instant results...

i finally passed my final theory test today and enrolled into the school. theortically i can start my practical lesson any time... but i can immediately feel the burnt in the hole of my pocket when i just paid for the enrolment. i hope i can keep up with the car-learning fever! =)

oh! i just tried out paintball last week with my colleagues and i have got bruises all over my legs - all thanks to the guys with good aim. i think without the long sleeve, my skin would have broke and bled... $70 for 10 bruises... expensive game!

female bonding

2007-04-29T23:36:00.000+08:00

met up with 2 girlfriends to celebrate one of their brithday this evening. we went to a nice place at raffles city called menotti. it is quite a pretty, cosy little italian restuarant that serves pastas & pastries, oh, wine too! it is a pity that i forgot to take a picture.

the price is reasonable for such a place, not too expensive. we were there for the longest time, near to 4 hours - eating and chatting, from the place was packed till it left only 2 tables of patrons.

not going to dwell much into what went on tonight's conversation but sometime it is nice to share with friends on your experiences and dilemmas. they might just give you a different perspective and solution. never think alone because 2 heads are better than 1 and through conversations, you get to know your friends better too.

learn to accept yourself and identify who you are. be sad and yet move on. the world will not stop revolving. dont be envy of others because god is fair - you gain some, you lose some. look within yourself and grow.

all in all, i am still happy and more privileged than many others.

2007-04-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

here are my fighter bears!

listless, aimless

2007-04-23T10:42:00.000+08:00

have you some time goes to office not knowing what to do? it is not that you have nothing to do but in fact, you know that there are deadlines for you to meet and approval papers to write and budget to calculate. BUT somehow, somewhere, somewhat you just can't seem to decide what to do. that is me on this monday!

came to office and not quite knowing what i should do first... lotsa things on my mind but can't think straight of the stupid throbbing headache i have early in the morning. argh! trying very hard to get going... doing the simple thing first.. no brainer admin job should be my best bet..

oh well, i hope you have a better morning than i do and goes for the same for the rest of the week.

bear war

2007-04-19T10:05:00.000+08:00

now i am swarmed with soft toys at my office table, my bedside and maurice's car... let me count... 6 at my office desk, 3 at my bedside, 1 in maurice's car and i got another yesterday from miao and vee... i have 11 in total! maurice is the main culprit for this... hehee

i shall post the photo in here so that you can see them fighting for my attention at the back of the car. i was holding onto both of them in the car last night. i guess the passing cars must be thinking what a kid i am at my age... but i don't care and simply love the soft toys! =)

but all thanks to mian and vee to buy this huggable bear for me for no particular reason.. just because they thought it is SO me when they saw the bear. am so blessed and blissful. and yes, i am THAT easily contented and satisfied.

am a simply girl, aren't i? ;)

True friends warmed my little heart

2007-04-17T10:03:00.000+08:00

it has been a long while since akino had a gathering and all thanks to jamie to organise it last friday.

i bet all of those attended had a good dinner at waruku @ starhub cuppage. we got a small cosy vip room that separated our loud laughter from the outside noisy crowd. can't imagine the noise pollution with us in that little restaurant. it was good to squeeze all in that room because everyone was seated so close to each other.

it was a pity that we couldn't have full force as it has been ages since akino had a full family photo. apparently wilman and jeffrey had posted our photo taken like almost 10 years ago on msn and were "ordered" by huiyin to remove them. =D being with akino is never too bored nor will you ever stop smiling.

as usual, the topic in the group never fails to visit wedding notices and renovation of house. this year, the wedding bells are ringing for sharon (22 aug) and ah beng (5 nov) and hanseng (21 july 2008!!). too bad i can't attend sharon's wedding because i definitely have to work on that night, or else it would be an eye-opener event... ;P

no doubt all these talks have also caused some to envy especially one that yearned to be a housewife (the one & only that i know so far that wants to be a housewife as a her aspiration! hahaa) and others to be left out especially those single and available to be quiet as they have no contributions to the conversations.

all thanks to jeffrey... he reminded us that it was akino's 10th anniversary... 10 years have flew past since we graduated from our secondary school. all of us lamented that our friendship is into the 14th year for most of us and it was warming enough to see that friendship is still going strong and a rare sight for many. i particularly remembered wilman said "we started as akino then to akino & friends and now akino, friends & family".

where can i get such friends that are ever so forgiving and fun-loving?

=====

oh, i had my appraisal yesterday. looks like i am off to china some time this year... & i am so looking forward to the short bintan trip in may althou' i am kinda broke...

tea dance

2007-04-13T09:58:00.000+08:00

i was doing a research on the project that i am starting on -- tea dance and to realise that i didn't have much information and experience in it. Afterall my first and last tea dance was when i was in sec 2 and went with gregory in an afternoon at some ulu part of orchard.

the only vague impression left on me was that it was no difference to the disco i went now -- dark and smokey. i can't remember if alcohol was sold or what music was being played. perhaps i was overwhelmed by the experience. you see different people there and probably you might not believe that they were about the same age as you b'cos they just don't look like it.

so as i was google-ing away, i came across this chinese newspaper article which apparently came about b'cos of leslie cheung's suicide. it mentioned that tea dance was a popular dance culture amongst the youngsters in the 80s especially there was no checking of any identification. it also seems that his songs at that time was also popular as it was being played then. some said that "it was ballroom dancing in the afternoon". subsequently the culture died down and discos were hot, mainly b'cos those who went for tea dance had all grown up.

some knowledge - The tea dance originated in the 1880s in America and England as an added attraction of the afternoon tea held at hotel tea gardens. It was, reportedly, an opportunity for ladies and gentlemen to mix more freely. The afternoon dance grew in popularity during the 1920s and '30s. the dressing look would be vintage-look or modern attire. In the 1920s and ‘30s, ladies would wear a lovely afternoon frock. Gentlemen would wear a long sleeved dress shirt with bow tie or ascot, classic slacks, a single or double-breasted sports jacket (or suit), and lace up oxfords.

anyway through some asking, someone actually provided me some information on the places that still does tea dance:

CLUB 5 7500 Beach Road, Plaza Parkroyal (Tel: 6298-0011)The 20-year-old club is a mainstay of the ballroom dancing scene. It has a DJ spinning music from the 1970s onwards every Saturday between 3 and 6pm. Pre-registration costs $10. Walk-in customers have to pay $15 (include free-flow soft drinks or two standard drinks)
SINCHI TCAFE 41 Seah Street, Metropole Hotel (Tel: 6336-3611)This six-month-old cafe takes its cue from Chinese teahouses in the early1940s, offering free-flow of tea at $5 from 2.30 to 6.30pm. Its clientele consists mostly of senior citizens and middle-aged professionals exercising their feet on its 93 sq m dancefloor.
TOA PAYOH WEST COMMUNITY CLUB 200 Toa Payoh Lorong 2 (Tel: 6253-5585) The community club hires a DJ to spin music every Tuesday and Thursday from 1.30 to 4.30pm. Members pay $1 & non-members pay $2. No drinks, but regulars (houswives and retirees) are known to brew and share their own concoctions. Other community clubs: Yio Chu Kang CC(Tel: 6456-1324) and Queenstown CC (Tel: 6474-1681).
REX BROADWAY LIVE STAGE 2 Mackenzie Road (Tel: 6338-3313) Its huge dancefloor - almost the size of a tennis court - is a plus forbig-moving latin and ballroom dances. Tea dances are held from 1 to 8pm daily. There is no cover charge, but patrons (mainly socialites and danceschool students) must buy two drinks at happy hour rates of $15.
UPPER CLUB 30 Victoria Street, 02-01A Chijmes (Tel: 6338-1313) The restaurant-club has been a dance haven for the rich and the famous since it opened for business last year. it has stopped its regular tea dance sessions but now organises private tea dance parties for 30 to 120 people for dance schools, companies and individuals.

Are you itching to dance, like me?

欲望 = 选择？

2007-04-02T10:14:00.000+08:00

“欲望”是什么? 它是想得到某种东西或想达到某种目的的要求。那我相信谁都有欲望，只是我们有得到吗罢了。但如果有一天，你的欲望有可能成真时，我相信是谁都会非常开心。

但是，如果你的欲望附带着不可设想的后果及危险时，你是否还是会拼命一博？因为这可是你能达成欲望的唯一机会。那是否就把所有的危险抛在脑后？选择!!!

欲望是危险的--它能让你在一念之间成与败也可在一念之差做出错的决定，后悔不堪。该如何作出决定？

我曾告诉自己：
不可再听信它的花言巧语
不许再掉进它的圈套里
不能再做出伤害别人的事
不可再做出伤害自己的事

但我做的到吗？这欲望的感觉强烈，我能抵挡吗？也许潜意识里我真的想得到因为我开始做出让步，理性告诉我万万不可。

我现在面临着选择。我可以不选吗？或，有人可以帮我选择吗？

在网上找到这句话：欲望不是纯粹的、绝对的东西，它需要理智的调控与节制。

nostalgic afternoon

2007-03-29T15:50:00.000+08:00

i was listening to radio on my mobile phone and they were playing a list of very very old songs. i still remembered that 1 of them was when i was in primary school and i heard it when i was staying over at my cousin's place. i fell in love with the song and she volunteered to copy for me into a cassatte... my FIRST cassatte! it just reminds me of the past on a rainy day...

歌曲：一生守候
歌手：陈淑桦

等待着你等待你慢慢的靠近我
陪着我长长的夜到尽头别让我独自守候
等待着你等待你默默凝望着我
告诉我你的未来属于我除了我别无所求

你知道这一生我只为你执着
管别人心怎么想眼怎么看话怎么说
你知道这一生我只为你守候
我对你情那么深意那么浓爱那么多

等待着你等待你轻轻拉我的手
陪着我长长的路慢慢走一直到天长地久
等待着你等待你紧紧拥抱着我
告诉我你的心里只有我除了我别无选择

你知道这一生我只为你执着
不管它喜还是悲苦还是甜对还是错
你知道这一生我只为你守候
我对你情那么深意那么浓爱那么多

等待着你等待你紧紧拥抱着我
告诉我你的心里只有我永远爱我

等待着你

a reunion 15 years later

2007-03-28T15:17:00.000+08:00

i think i cannot be believe that i can still meet up with my primary school classmates after so many years. when i graduated after PSLE, i was pretty sure that i won't be meeting with this group of classmates except for those few chinese new year gatherings to my chinese teacher's house.

partly i think i am never that close to my primary school classmates and with my parents being strict with me then, i hardly hangout with them at the playground. i am consider one of those outcasts in the class. i think i was quite happy to not remember my days in the primary school. if you ask me which were those days that i missed, i would say anytime after primary school.

however there was actually someone who did organise the gathering on last sunday and there was supposed to be 5 altogether. in the end, only 2 turned up as i expected - me & the organiser! i can't imagine the poor guy waiting if i hadn't go and i actually was toying with the idea early that afternoon... the excuse given was that they have forgotten but i strongly believe that if the gathering was to mean anything to you, you won't forget but i think i have came to a point that there will be such inconsiderate people around no matter what.

strangely, we just sat at serangoon cafe cartel and talk. though it was a little awkward but we slowly got over it. afterall we haven't meet nor talk over 15 years, we just don't really know where to start from. Luckily i aren't the shy shy girl if not i would probably drop dead on the spot facing a familiar yet strange guy for over an hour. i think that is a quite a feat! ;)

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oh yes... i simply l-o-v-e this picture that i did.. so proud... hahahaha

A Lousy Vacation

2007-03-23T09:46:00.000+08:00

just got back from a holiday from Hong Kong but i dont feel fantastic at all. the weather has been the same since i was there a year ago - cooling with drizzle. i supposed nothing has changed, at lest not to me.

wanted to be a walk-walk see-see leisure trip but it turned out to be some goose-chasing purchasing trip. shuffling from warehouse to warehouse, malls to malls, shops to shops... to me, it can be worse than work, especially if i have nothing to buy in mind. thus, in the end, i dont feel recharged at the end of the trip~

Finally cleared all my off days and now i am back to the normal 9-5 hours. not quite used to it though. afterall i had been working the irregular hours since last december with all my series and festival. waking up at 7pm is ALWAYS my problem... on the bright note, i am having my social life back again - all the gyms, all the gossipy gatherings and dinner dates, so i think its not that bad an exchange. =)

Ooh, i am so proud of myself that i finally get down to getting a test date for my final theory test (FTT) on Monday... so long after 7 years since i passed my basic theory test! i hope i can really pass this time at my 2nd attempt. thinking if i should get my PDL as well even i dont make this time round (touchwood!). my resolution is to at least pass my FTT and start learning while i can during this low period. wish me luck! oh, any recommendations for private driving teacher though my friend reckon that it is easier to pass in school?

Met up with my JC girlfriends on Tues (see, i am getting back my life) before 1 of them starts to fly off now and then in her new air-stewardess job. interesting to hear the stuff within the cabin crew and lingo like "cabin meal" and "bicycle". no matter in what job you are, there will bound to have politics... just seems that almost everyone is unhappy in their current job - trying to get longer MC, excuses away from work, waiting for just bonuses to leave.

despite that i dont really agree, i guess that's what happen when you have no interest in the job or you really detest the job. i am glad that i am enjoying my work (not the early mornings i have).

TGIF! Enjoy!

You have changed

2007-03-03T01:49:00.000+08:00

you have changed.
you no longer seems to be the one i used to know
where did all those familiarity go?
was that your true self or this is you?
where all those sweet nothings left
for what is left are all the anger and insults
where did those thoughtful actions went
for what is left are all careless threads
you are so absorbed in your own world
i am left out in your world
i no longer have a space there
or i have changed
perhaps it is time for me to let you go
before you hurt me once again
because you have made me so vulnerable
maybe it is true
change is the only constant

2006的总结

2007-01-21T12:17:00.000+08:00

若想知道我是否很忙，看看我的博客网站就可以知道。
其实工作忙是忙，但好像也没怎么忙到不可开交似的。不知就是没法抽个时间填上生活的点滴。想想看，也没什么特别的。
2006年里也不过如此。
事业--在从图书馆转到这里，感觉上一切比较顺利。从从前到现在，虽没升值但还好有加薪！
感情--一切依旧、没变化。除非你有更好的要介绍给我。
健康--这项就差了点尤其是肠胃。看来要寻医了。
偏财运--最近好像好多了，起码打麻将时，不会亏太多！=）
2006年就是这样样简简单单的过了。希望来临的2007年会带来好运、好事。还有，别再问我几时要结婚了！

愿祝有情人终成眷属、单身者早日遇到有情娘/郎！

i cant imagine this..

2006-12-10T10:14:00.000+08:00

damn it... i just cleared the post which i was typing away since 10am... what a waste of my effort, time and battery!!!
anyway i sort of my little childhood dream come true for me on this early sunday morning.. i am seated at a small corner of macdonalds at kallang, with my coffee on my side and laptop in front of me, typing furiously away... fulfilling the little dream of mine being a writer-wannabe.... but at the same time blowing my red big nose and clearing my throat... goosh! this irritating flu has been wiht me for the past week and it is showing no sign of getting better but in fact, worse...
i cant imagine myself doing this here as in the past, i have no laptop, there is no wireless, i have no inspiration... if not because my boyfriend dragged me out of bed for his soccer at cage, i would be still catching up my lost sleep due to the busy work schedule and all that help for yong's wedding the whole of yesterday....
of course, all those weddings have caused a big hole in my pocket... it has became a stress not only to my purse but also my mental with everyone asking "when's your turn?".. perhaps i should stop going to those weddings to save myself from these unnecessary stress...
but then again, i am just to kpo and happy to share other's happiness too... =)

ex's wedding gift

2006-11-20T12:47:00.000+08:00

it has been a long while since i shopped for anyone's present or rather more of not knowing what to get. went to a gift shop just now in mind of getting my first ex-boyfriend a gift for his wedding coming this sunday. wanted to attend his dinner but then again, work at this stage is more important. so i thought it might be better for me to "show" my face for a while since he has asked me so many times. then again, cant decide if i should give an angbao or a gift... finally think maybe i should give a gift since i am pretty broke and not that nice to give people small angbao... kekekeee... took me a while to decide what to get for him and his wife..

looking back, times really flew... it just seems not long ago that we were together as a couple (that was 9 years ago!) and now he is getting married already... whereas for me, i am no where near there.. he is a nice guy and i am happy for him that he has found someone nice to him too.. =)

ha! perhaps it is my retribution for treating him "badly"...

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ah boo, you'll always have my blessings!

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i am in a not-so-good mood today and no, it is not because of this wedding... why is it that man cant be more truthful and honest?

2006-11-19T16:27:00.000+08:00

we just had a huge fight. perhaps we are just not meant to be. or rather, we need just different kind of partners. am tired with relationship.

请问你今年贵庚？

2006-11-14T00:42:00.000+08:00

最近真的觉得一天24小时也不够用。工作占据了大部分的时间和精力。那一堆的工作总是做不完，纸开始和山一样高了。难道是我办事效率不足吗？除了工作，还得把时间分点给家人和佳人还有我几班的猪朋狗友们。哪里够用呢？

忙得没时间去运动，越来越发福了，连同事也笑我最近太“幸福”了。忙得没时间上搏客，谈谈周围发生的事。想法来了，留在脑海里许久，来不及纪录下来，结果就溜走了。唉！

匆匆忙忙，转眼间，11月到了，自己的生日也到了- -11月14 日。本小姐今年26岁了，在看这留言的你，还记得吗？不记得也没关系因为我也不太记得自己朋友的生日了。加上坏脾气的我，所剩的知己也不多了。=）

过了26年的岁月，回头看，自己似乎也没任何壮举可言，也只是平平淡淡的过。未来的日子也没想得到什么，只是想开开心心得过，做着自己喜欢的东西，身边的人健健康康，不去理会别人在背后的指指点点。自己过得心安理得就好！

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朋友，你也是哦！

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Oh yes... of course not forgetting that this is the end of the year where many people ARE getting married... sigh! the fearful question is -- "So, when's your turn?" sigh, i guess i have never been that grateful that i have to work on public holidays, especially to escape those questions from the nosey aunties... well, on the other hand, i am still happy for those who are planning to get married, it is a happy occasion afterall! Perhaps not knowing something, really doesn't hurt you that much... its the truth...

忙忙忙。。。忙忙忙。。。

2006-10-10T02:14:00.000+08:00

许久没写些什么了。。工作几乎把我的时间给占据了。。。家人也几乎3星期没见着我。。。家就好像是来去自如的酒店--目的只有休息。这几个星期是无比的忙。。但现在好多了。。。能专注在其它3的企划案。当然，周边的人与事，没有因此而停过。

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我在一个女人身上看到对一个男人无比的宽容与耐力。有人常说女人是小器的，眼里从来容不下一粒沙。但是这女人却是如此的让我敬佩，又觉得她有点愚蠢在这男人身上花上青春与岁月。对于一个自认能同时间爱很多女人的他，怎么会为了一朵花而停止呢？男人时不时地结交不同的女伴，而她却为了这些时不时地伤心流泪。一次又一次的伤害却没熄灭女人对他的爱。她仍留在他的身旁。女人啊！女人啊！为什么你这么愚蠢呢？你明知道他从开始就不属于你一个人的。你的度量从哪来？换成是我，早就对他绝望了。

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今晚我看见另一个女人的悲伤及无奈！好不容易得到自己所爱，开心的日子为什么要这么短。是天在捉弄她吗？自己终于确认他就是那个她想嫁的人，男人却对她说她并非是他的理想伴侣。好不伤心！女人的心全碎了。在海边痛哭了2个小时。问的问题，没人能回答到底那里错了。唯有希望海风能吹走所有的不愉快。

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谁说“女追男隔着纱、男追女隔着山”？

Repost: 朋友让我开始对他们失望

2006-09-15T10:59:00.000+08:00

我最近深切地感受到朋友带给我的失望。
简单的一个聚会，在1个月前早已经放风声出去。当我发出正式的邀请时，一个个才说不能去。但起码，这些人还会回我电邮或简讯。

有些呢，连一个简讯都不会回我--是或不是、好或不好、行或不行、能或不能。就算还没办法确定至少有个基本的礼貌告诉我迟些再回我。
难道要我打电话去催再三请四请吗？为什么要有这样的坏习惯呢？能不能果断点？不是第一次了，几乎每一次都这样。我已经对这样的态度厌恶了。如果你们是如此的这样不重视，那我也无需再做任何事。因为做了也没有人会说声“谢谢”。
对于这样的态度，我已经受够了。真的够了！

我想我在这里有我自己言论的空间与自由。我把自己不高兴的事说出来罢了。你们在我背后议论着我所说的也许会伤了有些人，我无所谓。对，或许我的用词重了，难道我说错了吗？其实我只希望大家可以给对方多点基本的尊重及设身处地为对方着想－－我要的只是你们很基本的尊重而已。

但也无所谓了，我已经把它取消了。谢谢那些回复我的，而已经答应我会来的，你照样可以来。只是我没什么好招待的。

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Do unto others as you would have others do unto you

not a cutout for interviews

2006-09-13T09:28:00.000+08:00

昨天刚刚才把两个电台访问给搞定。访问分成两天进行。星期二是英文电台，实地的到了录音室。原本以为自己已经做好了准备，但结果完全跟想象的不一样。一向来英文不怎么样的我已经很注意自己的发音和咬字，怕出丑。
起初前30分钟，录的还可以，过后却是常惨不忍睹。同样的一个段落录了又录。说话开始不清楚、结巴。唉！结果就这样，整个访问就拖了超过1个钟头。结束后，只觉得自己真是糟透了！自信心全毁了。整个人好累，精疲力尽。在回公司的路程，一句话都不想对同事讲。想到隔天还要做华文电台的访问，心里就有千万个不愿意但为了自己的节目，也是没择的事。
昨天一早便猛做翻译，希望会好一点。心想再糟也不会比昨天残吧！但也许方式不一样，所以没这么多的压力。录音访问在30分钟内就录好了。终于是松了一口大气，午餐也吃得比较轻松。
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现在是希望剪接后，听起来不会太奇怪！

2010 - reality and plan

2006-09-04T10:33:00.000+08:00

yesterday was just chatting on msn with a girl friend and somehow we mentioned about 2010. a number that would have meant a lot to me...

2010 is about less than 4 years from now and i think many will agree with me that 4 years is not a short time at all... but that is the only time when i could possibly have any change in my life... by then, i will be 30 years old into the "3" region.

you know how you had your life plan and dream when you were young like "get a boyfriend when i am 17 yeard old, get a driving license by 18, have the first job by 22, get married by 26, have the first kid by 28, be promoted by 30, have a car... condo...." etc etc. on looking back, nothing seems to have gone according to my plan so far except that i did have my first job by 22. i had my first boyfriend on when 18, didnt have a driving license yet, am 26 this year but not married and of cos without kid too...

life is just like this, you will somehow never seems to get life to be what you want in your plans.. there will be different factors affecting your decision and your life... some wanted a child but that never come. others thought he/she is the person you are marrying, in the end, you broke up and trash all plans... for those who have it all according to plan, you are a lucky one!

upset

2006-08-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

我在想：“是我在变吗？还是身边的人在变？难道是我跟不上人家的变化吗？”
我当然知道世界上没什么东西是不变的。身边的朋友来来去去，变了又变。我没办法控制的。但每一次发现朋友开始疏离了就心里不好受。
不知自己怎么了，最近似乎都对身边的朋友有了一点的不满或看不惯他们的作风。是我的问题吗？也许自己直爽的性格，不讨人喜欢吧！自己觉得是忠言的话，常常是朋友不想听的话，而就这样被打入一旁。忠言逆耳
做人难，做别人的好朋友更难。朋友往往都似乎不会记得我的好吧？就算没有了我的存在，也许也没什么大不了，因为我不是一个讨好的角色。就好像今晚，没有我在也无所谓。

BIG relief

2006-08-16T19:44:00.000+08:00

i am so relieved that my long-hated chinese presentation is finally over for me. i have been tensed up for the past few days for this presentation that caused my gastric to act up... i even had to do my own chinese script and presenting in Mandarin!!! i was still doing up my script this night till this morning 2.30am which i am now suffering a headache... it is probably the adrenaline that kept me going the entire day till my presentation was over... English i still can "eat" my way through but with Chinese i have to coin my own translation for the jargon... what's more - i was talking to chinese teachers which they are 100 times better than i am...

finally it is over for me... i managed to get through and out still in 1 whole piece... of course i had some cock-ups but i guess it is still manageable. afterall i am already trying very hard to memorise my script... *phew!*

i guess my colleagues were pretty supportive by sitting in the presentation but that made me more nervous... at the end, they gave me a pat on the shoulder to say i have done well but of course i think i could have done even better without all the stammering... however, it is nice to hear commented that i have a nice voice.. hahahahaaa! i can do another freelance job!

it was almost an instant burden unload after the presentation and find myself breathing more normally... what am i still doing in the office at this hour? i am still trying to clear up the backlog that i have created with all the concentration on the presentation.. having difficulties concentrating on the things i need to do though... slowly doing bit by bit...

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i need at least 10 hours of sleep now! ;)

Br|dal gOwn maKes the wOman mOst beaUt|ful

2006-08-14T09:23:00.000+08:00

huiyin just sent us the link to her online album which she uploaded some of her wedding photos. she certainly looked different. from the usual "big sister" in polo tees and jeans and slippers/sandals to the feminine lady in the white bare back gown, hair all bunned up and makeup on the face. this is definitely one of the lifetime look for her! knowing her for so long, i probably only seen her in her school uniform skirt... anyway we all are happy for her!

huiyin: you really look good in this so maybe you can take time to do up too! dont lax just cos you are married... =)

my neck-shoulder hurts again and really ought to change that pillow of mine. i am tired... ending here...

foOd for ThOught

2006-08-11T08:20:00.000+08:00

as i was making my way out of the gym in somerset walking towards thai embassy, i have came across 1. the usual indian lady selling packets of tissue paper at the traffic light junction just outside the gym and 2. an elder uncle both singing and selling packets of tissue paper (again) at the traffic light junction of Taka...
from what i see hardly anyone pays attention to them and buy the tissue paper. has it become so common to see elderly people selling tissue paper on the road that no one bothers? or have they already bought from the indian lady and thus there is no business for the old man?
while i was standing opposite the traffic light, i saw this middle-age lady shunning away from the indian lady maybe because the indian lady looks a little unkempt and somewhat "dirty"? not sure how many of you were approached by her before but she can approached me twice when i was just standing there to cross the road.
i was thinking, i can buy from the indian lady and also from the old man but how many of them can i buy from? i can help one but i can't help all, isn't it? or is this just an excuse? if there are five of them on the street of orchard road and end up buying from each of them, i would have more packets of tissue paper that can last me 2 weeks...
but anyway! that is just me set myself thinking...

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caught Fast and Furious: The Tokyo Drift last night and i tell you *WOW!* hahahaa... i like the cars especially Fairlady and also the drift! instantly you can see the "ah lianz" in me... hahaha!

i'm looking for a chinese emcee

2006-08-08T09:27:00.000+08:00

OMG! it is so painful and difficult to find a good emcee and let alone that he/she must be effectively bilingual and is an advantage to have chinese music background! don't tell me that i have to end up doubling as an emcee myself for the show... *argh*

i am now openly looking for a chinese emcee so you happened to fit most of the criterias (i shan't be that choosy) or you think your friend does, please get them to write to me or leave a message in the shoutbox...
1. he/she must be effectively bilingual i.e. fluent in both English and Chinese (spoken and written)
2. have background in chinese music
3. have ample time to do own script
4. pleasantly looking
5. good voice

time to rest off the gamble table!

2006-07-30T02:42:00.000+08:00

i can't believe it... i have lost about $50 just within these 2 days on mahjong! the best thing was all lost to the same guy... arrgh! i only manage to win one of the games.... *goosh*
i am going to bar him from the game and i am going to rest off the mahjong table for some time... *sigh*

The Lake House

2006-07-28T09:47:00.000+08:00

i managed to watch The Lake House last night. It was based on the korean movie Il Mare if you still remember. It was a nice story and i loved it. Beautiful love story that emphasize the meaning of "waiting" - well at least that is for me. Not forgetting that i loved the house as well... stand alone by itself at the lake side, overseeing the lake, see how the light falls into the house and also the maple tree standing in the middle of the house... Perfect House! If only, there is such one in Singapore although we are surrounded by water... and no, i dont want to leave in kelong! hahahaaa...
Sandra Bullock has always been one of my favourite actresses and no doubt i will still catch her show. as for Keanu Reeves, he is such an eye-candy! Though the setting and the storyline are about the same as Il Mare, it still has got its differences. i thought i would buy the story of The Lake House more maybe it is in the language that i understood and hence, that minimised the frustration of having to read the subtitles and the image at the same time. of course, there are some parts which doesnt seems to gel but i will get pass that.. afterall, it is a touching moving story!
it feels nice to watch a nice movie during the mid-week and lifts your mood up a little for the coming weekend..

"am i more confident?"

2006-07-26T10:05:00.000+08:00

finally finished a 1.5 days course on presentation skill workshop yeaterday. it is good course i must say. saw my own recording of the presentation that i did before and i was laughing at myself throughout. it is really bad! can see all my stage jitters and they are like shouting in the face "i am NERVOUS!".
i just thought yesterday i did better compared to the first one. but there are still things that i need to work on like my pacing, voice projection etc and i tend to swallow my words too. oh, at least my powerpoint was complimented to be very nice.. hahahahaa! i am going to test out my presentation skills this afternoon and let's hope it gets better each time.
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i was just "complaining" to a friend last night that i feel that i am losing my friends in the company. with most of them leaving for greener pastures and new faces are coming in too fast for me to even recognise and remember them, i find myself left with that small group who i go lunch with or drinks. even so, they are so busy with in their work in own areas that i hardly see them too and it obviously doesnt work when they are not on the same level as me...
not being a loner means that i need friends around me and that doesnt help much when i cant find dinner kakis these few days. oh well... i am just saying my thought out loud... maybe i am just a whiner.. =P

six degree separation

2006-07-24T12:08:00.000+08:00

read from a magazine somewhere on the theory of six degree separation over the weekend - meaning that everyone of us is connected external network of 6 persons i think. it is interesting to know and i am getting that feeling too.. especially with the network of Friendster, you know who is linked to who.. like one of my ex-colleague is now the colleague of a good friend of mine and the other is the friend of my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend... complicated or simplified?

sometimes it can get real scary especially if you have secrets in the past that arent that fantastic, imagine how it will spread through people... but i still feel that there are many people whom we have not been linked to..

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my god... iris is pregnant again i heard from mei and 2 months already! this is her 4th one and apparently i thought the 3rd was the last one? anyway it is either she is real fertile or Harry has got strong sperm! hmm.. i dont know if i should feel happy for her which i should if the entire marriage is happy and blissful... just hope they would think of the 4 kids before doing anything drastic...

Conversation

2006-07-21T09:36:00.000+08:00

女：我们天天见面，感觉几乎就象已经结了婚的夫妇。
男：这样不好吗？你不喜欢？
女：那我们到结婚的那天，我们会不会已经厌倦了对方？
男：会吗？这完全是个人的选择。你可以选择厌倦对方，另寻新欢，砸了自己的幸福或选择死守着对方。
女：真的吗？[继续思索]

5 left 4...

2006-07-11T10:24:00.000+08:00

如果你现在问我，我是如何认识Yv，其实我也说不上来了。好像就是因为自己鸡婆吧，一心只想做“媒人”。虽然不是很成功但也结交了Yv这位朋友。别看这位姑娘有着天使般的脸孔，她发起脾气来可不是开玩笑的，大家都让她几分！
足球世纪杯的最后一场赛事法国对意大利的那一晚也是她离开新加坡到伦敦。这一去就是1、2年的时间。说长也不是很长，说短也不短啊。我是不擅悲欢离合的场面，容易被别人的情绪所影响，就决定在她还没进闸门前先离去。与她拥抱的刹那间，鼻子一酸，泪水已到了眼眶。当我走到停车场时，已经落了好几滴。无法想象若我看见伯母泪洒机场，我会哭得像泪人。尤其当晚的机场处了我们外就真的是空无一人了，整个场面更显凄凉。哎，5人帮少了她一人就真的少了些什么。
*我们会想你的*
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人到异乡，凡事要小心，好好照顾自己。俗话说：在家靠父母，在外靠朋友！

a meant-well hurt

2006-07-01T17:42:00.000+08:00

for the past few weeks, one of ex-colleagues has been messaging me, asking me to go out. however, it just somehow did not work out to tie down a date to meet up. he has been dropping hints i guess - like "let's date!"... "am so direct to ask you out"... though he did not express anything but i thought it is already pretty obvious that he is interested in me... hahahahaaa.... so yesterday i thought i better make it clear to him that i am attached before he blamed me for leading him on... in the end, i think i am too direct and he could be hurt... well, it might be better for him... happened that i bumped into him today (see~ how coincidence it can be!)... i felt that he was a little embarrassed and unhappy (?) and now i felt a tit-a-tat guilty though... geez! stupid maurz still can joke that lucky no one committed suicide last night while flipping the papers today...
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i was at a pets' shop today at marine parade and a 3-months old red Pomeranian puppy at the display window caught my attention.. he was such a sweet little thing... tamed and not very active... lovable one... when the care taker took him out, he was so shy and was cuddling himself to the care taker like a little baby... he costs $1,600 - not affordable for me now and i have nowhere to take care of him too... sighz... so besides schnauzer, terrier, maltese, pomeranian is my next favourite on the list... oh no!!! i wanna get a dog but yet, fear them at times... hahahhaa!

familiar stranger

2006-06-29T13:43:00.000+08:00

过了许久，我们终于定在昨天见面吃晚餐。记得上回见到YJ的时候是去年11月我刚生日不久后。昨晚遇见他时，他还是没变多少。在人群中，远远就看到他的人影，身穿着绿色T恤--一个我从不晓得他会穿的颜色。他的品味开始变了，也许是受到“她”的影响吧。。。
他还是照着老样子，毫不犹豫的帮我付账。我们就这样吃着各自摆在面前的晚餐，依旧安静。不善于安静的我开始试图把宁静的空间划破。结果，我们之间的谈话就好像只有我讲他听。我喋喋不休问着他的家人和“她”。他姐姐终于生了一个10个月大的小男婴而家里人就为了这宝宝而忙进忙出。
问到他和“她”时，感觉到他似乎不想说太多。我只知道才不到1年的时间他已经把“她”带回家见过家人了。那时的我，近2年却连他有女朋友的事也没说出口。哎！我是怎么了？
在前往与Maurz见面途中，我突然想着，“我到底当初看上这男人的哪一点？让我分手时如此难过但现在仍然怀念以前”。是他专著听着我说话的眼神还是那男孩似的微笑？其实这些都不重要了因为大家各自有了身边陪伴的人。也许就是得不到的事物才特别渴望吧！
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你曾与我有同感吗?

DepaRture

2006-06-16T11:37:00.001+08:00

just this morning got to know that 1 another colleague is leaving in july. i just immeditately felt so sad. although, i don't get to work with her very often nor on close terms, i have a lot of respect for her. perhaps of the recent many departures in the office, that's why...
people in her department were laughing out loud while i was typing away and absorbed in my little sadness for her departure... maybe they had moaned over it yesterday and got over... but how can that be so fast?
friends i have in the company are getting lesser... less of those who are on the same frequency as i have... many have either left or on the lookout for jobs... hearing them saying going for interviews every other week...
a lesson in the adult life to learn...

A bitta pOetic..

2006-06-12T21:40:00.000+08:00

this piece just came to my mind this morning while waiting for a bus... thought i could just pen it down before i forget...trying to be a bitta poetic... kekekez... please change your encoding under "view" to unicode (UTF-8) to see the chinese characters...

初恋时，

你曾真心地对我说：

“我每天都会爱你多一天”。

日子久了，

你对我的爱也到了极限，

再也无法多了。

渐渐的，

它就一天一天的变少了。

当时的实话，随风飞逝，变成了假话。

这世界有不变的爱吗？

My "He"

2006-06-07T11:33:00.000+08:00

i am so touched by my "he" that i decided to write something about him although he might not have the opportunity to read this blog..

we do have our fights and quarrels like any couple even we are just into 8 months' of relationship. for those who know, we have our hard time and conflicts in this short period far more than others have been through for years... i admit i am always the "fire" hot-tempered and stubborn person.. he, on the other hand, is ever so patient to reason with him and he has his impatient time with me as well but he never fail make sure this doesnt get carried over to the next day... surprisingly these just knitted our relationship more closely and stable..

he never misses his opportunity to hold my hand in public, assuring that he is near me..

he wont let me go even when he is driving...

he never fails to wipe my tears away while i was watching a soapy show...

he never miss his morning, good-bye and good night kisses...

he stand by for what i choose and decide to do without much questions...

he waits quietly for me while i work late at night so that he can be just there for me when i needed him...

he forgives me with what i have done wrong...

he just hugs me quietly when i needed...

the nickname that my friend gave him from "such a sweet guy", "cutie pie" to the more recent "he's such a darling". i am not denying all this but maybe it is just me that i hardly show this in front of my friends. friends keep telling me that he is a husband-material... but i know it would take another 3-4 years before anything drastic can happen...

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he gives me so much more and beyond but can i give him in return?

A Week's Summary

2006-06-05T10:23:00.000+08:00

just finished my usual routine on a monday morning of checking others' blogs. a week has passed from the last entry of blog. nothing big deal has happened over the week, just couple of small episodes here and there...

had a mid-week drinking session with the girls at wala wala with the unexpected turn up of ws, ah mao's dear and maurz. never did i intend to let ws and maurz meet and let alone introducing each other - just felt it might complicate things a little though not as if now it is any bit. anyway it was still an unusual fun night out but leaving me with a hangover the next morning.. the rest of the weekdays just flew past at the speed of light...

Came Saturday night which we clubbing at thumper with j, mei, Poh Ling (mei's friend) and mteo. my first time there and overall it was still okay. apparently the crowd is much older than dbl o since the recommended age limit for guy is 28 and 3/4 of the crowd were guys. so we seemed to be the youngest among them.. just like xiao mei mei as what mteo said when he saw me. perhaps it was of my image - rebonded straight hair, dark red hair, pink halter top and denim short skirt - goes to show we didnt meet up for the longest time... then he mentioned that i always surprise him each time and look "hot" every time. hmmm... wondering what it meant?hahaha... oh and j got "spotted"! but too bad, she is taken! =)

yesterday was NOT a good day at all for me. went gym and nearly lost my key to the locker.. went waxing and it is god-damn painful. why did i let myself go through the pain? had a quarrel with maurz and being forced to still go his house for dinner... had a headache that wont go away... wanted to get a black forest cake but nowhere is selling it... finally i just had to end all the "mishappenings" with a tiramisu from coffee bean...a sweet ending *i hope*

mei finally passed her driving test this morning... i guess this spurs me to go and do my advance theory which i failed long long long ago... that shall be my task this week...

who? when? what?

2006-05-29T11:38:00.000+08:00

maurz's brother, kel is in a terrific mood nowaday after getting himself a girlfriend that kept him happy and occupied.. hardly grouchy and grumpy anymore. even his mum said that he is hardly home for dinner as well.. hahaha... he is in such a good mood to even start calling me 大嫂! aiyo... i dont dare...

hmmm... yv is leaving for uk soon to embark on her another journey... off for at least 1 year or so for work, for holiday and for the better... with gracey left for a new better place, now left only miao, vee and me here... 1 crazy kaki less for sparkling wine and mass dinner... getting less friends here!

have got news that 1 more girl in akino is getting married next year... happy for her... hers should be the wedding of the century in our group... in terms of scale... heard jos is looking at flat in yishun when met up on sat night, looks like the wedding bells should ring in the near future...

did a calculation and i should have 5 weddings lining up this year and another 2 more on the list for next... hey! hire me!!! let me be your wedding planner.. i promised to be cheap and good... *lol*

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oh.. when's my turn?

finally spending more than 12hours in singapore

2006-05-23T10:20:00.000+08:00

*phew!* i am finally back from my long 10 days of absence in singapore from taipei (work) and hanoi (holiday). i bet you must be missing my blog entries online right?! *lol*

the work trip to taipei was good one. met alot of the arts industry people, exchanged lotsa namecards (for the 1st time i finished using 1 box of it), made a couple of taiwanese friends, had lotsa meeting as well as the sinful suppers! was all alone in taipei for the past week and i surprised myself... i am never a loner... but i still managed to eat breakfast all by myself, went ximending shopping and eating mee-sua by the roadside, having the whole room to myself i guess when the circumstances came leaving you with no choice, you will manage somehow and somewhat.

flew to hanoi for another 4 days with him.. it is an old city..with lotsa motorbikes and the terrible traffic on the road.. not to mention the constant horning of the vehicles! gave me headache.. theres a lot of hand craft shops along the streets and some good stuff if you dig deep enough and a good bargainer!

this should be last trip foe this year before my low period in next year...

am tired! *yawning*

U wanted time to speed when young but come to a still when old...

2006-05-08T12:29:00.000+08:00

looking at the many bottles sitting in my cabinet and tables.. ranging from face moisturiser, body lotion, hair moisturer, feet care... u name it, i almost have it.. sianz... that is the problem with me aging with time...

the past weekend was good but as usual - tiring. lost almost $40 on mahjong table over 2 days' of mahjong with friends. could have gone for a facial with that money. hahahaa! it kinda affirms that me and maurz really cannot be on the same table... both of us just became the biggest losers (it seems everytime)! other than mahjong, i went for my gym on sunday morning. parents were shocked seeing us woke up so early... rushed to gym for class and *phew!*... the usually packed gym was quiet... had my body combat and a full 45-mins of leg workout to shape my legs with my "personal trainer" maurz! hahaha... it is now aching like hell... the calf.. the ham strings... back muscle... arms...

then met my brother to go shopping for mummy's gift... bought her a carlo rino handbag... wanted to buy her a bonia bag but both of us are cash strapped. luckily mummy liked it! the salegirl didnt think that we were real siblings.. what's new?! my brother just has the eurasian look and me, a typical asian look... unfair!

was just thrown a new project on my lap last friday. come to think about it, not really so as i have already seen it coming my way...ESP... i have to work on my birthday again..

edgy trip

2006-05-04T11:14:00.000+08:00

drove up to malacca and kuala lumpur over the last long weekend... tiring but still manageable... made a wrong decision to stay in kl... had a quarrel with him standing outside the hotel on the street..

we cant agree on the priority of events to be done.. he wanted to go shopping then look for accommodation. i want to get the cheapest available accommodation then shopping. ended up, we didnt get the cheapest room cos that became the most expensive choice of a suit compared to an executive room. i was actually blaming him but i didnt admit when he asked - coward. he said he was willing to forgo the shopping and just go the way i wanted so long it made me happy... but either way i am not... i am still not happy even i have the room cos i know he is not happy that he didnt get to shop... anyway we try not to hold grudges against each other.. a good thing that none of the girls came up to kl with us.. if not, think they will be stuck in the middle..

he is up to kl again with his brother and cousin next long weekend and i am off to taipei for my tight-packed schedule with meetings and rehearsals...

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oh... gracey is still being "harrassed" by the irritating zola and even kanna "persuaded" by him to go zouk last night... my god! but seems like she is enjoying it herself too...

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am now aching all over after my boxercise and weight-lifting... *help me!*

Where ignorance is bliss, Tis folly to be wise

2006-04-25T10:58:00.000+08:00

was running through 2 of the blogs and both have a common feeling that ignorance is a bliss.

is ignorance really a bliss? it is probably a bliss when you know that the outcome/result is not what you wanted. if it turns out to be your ideal answer, won't it be a bliss to know? when we can't handle a situation, we choose to avoid/escape and ignore.

however, won't it be better to know even it is not good because at least you are not cheated. some may think "so long i don't know, i can pretend that it has not happen before."

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isn't this fooling yourself?

Kudos to my girl-friends!

2006-04-24T10:36:00.000+08:00

i am amazed by how we 5 crazy girls worked at times. a suggestion for bbq came up on wednesday and by thursday, 3 of us went to giant to purchase all the stuff for the bbq on friday @ gracey's new place... ta-ta! we had bbq on friday night after work! coolz.. cant deny that i really take my hat off these girls and the rate we decide and do something out of the blues.. but that is what i like about this bunch of girl-friends that i made at work - we are friends, sistas and colleagues.. we share our deepest secrets (hmmm... how deep?), fantasies, troubles, worries and happiness.. i am very touched by miao...

though she is 2 years my senior, i like to call her "silly girl".. she never fails to surprise me with her little actions and gifts.. she bought me a little bear when i was stressed at work (now sitting at a corner of my chair), bought all of us a stalk of flower for no reason and gave me a pouch for my upcoming trip after i just made a sweeping comment that i need to look for a simple pouch for my travel stuff... *mucks for miao*

of course we have our differences.. tolerance and patience are what we try to give each other.. it is difficult to even be that close especially when we are all colleagues so what more can i ask for at work besides having these girls.. however we cant always be at the same workplace forever, people do leave but i guess we are all so closely knitted, i hope this friendship will not be lost just like this..

not that i have found others to replace my other group of girl-friends whom i known for years through secondary school, college and uni.. they are just as important and guilty as i am, i have kinda neglected them.. promised that i will try to catch up on mahjongs and dinners with you gals hopefully before i fly off for my trips..

after several months of "resting" since my last appearace at dbl o in last december, i have finally stepped into mos i.e. deemed to be "the place" for club-goers on saturday. saw quite a number of colleagues surprisingly. sad to say, a few of us thought that the music at smoove wasn't really fantastic that night although i must say that some of the spaces were well-decorated! hahahaa.. not to forget to mention me bringing gracey to her first clubbing experience and end up having supper with the irritating zola - juicy news! *LOL*

My Saviour! - Progress Package

2006-04-20T10:44:00.000+08:00

met up with my ex-colleagues for dinner last night.. both of them have resigned - 1 found a new job within 2 weeks in another stat board and the other is still jobless after 2 months... though she has sent out numerous applications but none seems to have expressed interest... this is the time of the year where people move on with their career... old colleagues/friends leave, new colleagues came on the job. time to make new friends/enemies...am i just glad that i have a job?

i like to read bluemoon's blog because she is forever so poetic but yet at the same time, pessimistic about her life... nonetheless i still read it as a supplement dose to my daily life as it can quite an insight.

just did my sums and realised that i might not be that poor afterall... i still have my Progress Package pending to be sent to me! money! hahahaa... now the trips to taipei and hanoi dont look that dull and i can pay off all my credit card bills!... hahahaa...

hmmm.. wondering if i have enough $ to do rebonding on my hair though...

taipei first then hanoi in may

2006-04-18T09:43:00.000+08:00

i just got called into boss' office yesterday evening and only got to know that he won't be able to make it to tiwan for a business trip in may. the other colleague working with me on the projects is also heading to germany for courses...looks like i am the one to go to taiwan...

i am pretty excited about it because it is the first time that boss sent me on such trip in place of him. good opportunity for me to learn the ropes and widen my contact circles. however, the trip is on 12 - 19 may and i am supposed to fly to hanoi on 19 may afternoon... looks like i have to make an early trip back to singapore...

yeah! am going to be out of singapore for the entire 10 days in may.. big hole in the pocket! =/

the one for me/you?

2006-04-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

on this cold and rainy day, i got a message from someone that touched me while i was chatting with him...

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me: u got too many girls to handle at one time lah... that's y no time for me mah...

him: no lah... u'll probably be too bored to be with me!

me: hahahaa.. try me... just joking la... me also not ur type of girl.. LOL...

him: =) sorry babe! you are. just that i am not ur kinda guy... not the one that can stay faithful to ya...

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wont you just melt away when someone actually said that you are his type of girl?! its just flattering... kekeez.. although i admit it seems pretty wrong to feel that way especially i have someone who is pretty good to me but that sentence just made my day... i am just being super bimbo-tic! *LOL*

he usually reads my blog once in a while & i suppose he must be proud of himself... AIyah! i just boosted his ego, manz!

OK! anyway what is said here shall remain here. Promise?

easter long weekend

2006-04-17T10:13:00.000+08:00

was browsing my friends' blogs like the usual routine when i get to office in the morning especially after a weekend to see if anything happened.. realised that nothing much was updated. was there really nothing much has happened or everyone was just too tired and lazy to put it up?

it was usually exceptionally tired after a long weekend. perhaps had too much overnight mahjong sessions, thinking that i should have enough rest since it was a long weekend. nonetheless, i am still beat tired. there are always people who just have the lucky gambling streak, be it mahjong, cards or 4Ds.. perhaps those money that i have lost on the table is enough to last me a month? but then again, that's the price to pay for entertainment that indirectly cause harm to your health..

other than mahjong, of course i did other things like suntanning at sentosa which caused me a earful of nagging from my mum, saying that a girl should look fair and not tanned... and the long overdue workout at gym... now i am aching all over...

*ouch*

wisdom... fun...

2006-04-07T14:13:00.000+08:00

i finally have gotten some wisdom i supposed.. that's why my left wisdom tooth decided to let itself revealed.. not exactly causing me much of a discomfort but just that it hurts abit just below my left chin...

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yeah... it is finally Friday...

Going to enjoy my weekend starting tonight having ladies night @ my friend's place for ice-wine and off to the Picturehouse tomorrow afternoon for 3 Times...

exciting! exciting!

Let it Go... Pride...

2006-04-06T10:01:00.000+08:00

i was listening to Corrinne May's song - Let It Go on my pc till part of the lyrics of the chorus caught my attention. those that coincides with my feelings.

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(truncated)

I'm gonna lay down,

Lay down my pride

Let it go, let it be

Don't waste all your emotion on this tit-for-tat machine

Let it go, let it be

Let it go

....

Can we lay down

Just lay down this pride
Let it go, let it be

Don't waste all your emotion on this tit-for-tat machine

Let it go, let it be

Let it go

Don't go wasting your emotions

No one wins if we keep score

Let it go, let it be

Let it go

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Pride - the thing that i am dealing with now internally. can i just lay it down? would everything be just fine if it is down? or that is the only thing that is keeping myself from hurt?

2006-04-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

i am probably the worst kind of girlfriend that any guy can have. Period.

forguven but not forgotten

2006-04-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

i just realised today that there are just simply some things that you can forgive but never will you ever forgot... never...
when you think that you probably have gotten over it and forgotten, it just floats to the surface when others dug deeper. just like the fresh wound again... it only camouflaged itself in an un-noticiable corner, waiting patiently for it to be refreshed...

Bintan, Hanoi and dog

2006-04-03T09:56:00.000+08:00

i have recently went to bintan over the last weekend with my group of girlfriends-colleagues. all of us are sun-kissed if not, burnt! =) but still we had fun and joy especially with a group of girls... gossips what else!? am waiting for the photos to be sent to us and see the crazy things we have done... hahahaa!

i am already looking forward to my next trip in may to hanoi.. i want to get a vietnamese costume and their handmade crafts... hopefully i will not overspend..

friends commented that i have travelling quite a bit this year.. hearing me going somewhere almost every quarter.. but i am always to somewhere near and relatively cheap especially when the airtickets are going cheap...

my friend has been harping that she wants to get a pet dog.. causing me to be half-interested.. going into pets shop seeing puppies... saw 1 white australian maltese and i fell in love with her but she cost $1600! hence decided that i am probably not ready to have 1 since i have yet to overcome my fear of dog..

Marriage - A Dream Or A Nightmare

2006-03-20T15:33:00.000+08:00

attended yong's rom on sunday. a nice and simple ceremony. she still looks as gorgeous as ever - no doubt.. being able to get married should be happy and hence, the happy smile on her face said it all.. A Dream..

got to know a friend's girlfriend.. am happy for him but complicated situation.. she is married with a daughter.. in the midst of divorce procedures.. verbally abused by husband and in-laws.. A Nightmare..

met a friend for lunch.. had differences with the husband.. husband blamed her for not taking good care of their daughter.. husband becomes jealous, suspicious of her.. complaining that she is fat.. bad tempered.. A Nightmare..

off hand now i cant quite recall any of my friends who are still happily married after 2 years of marriage. somehow most of them have got more complaints than praises for their spouses. some are because of their in-law issues, some because of children problems and some because of their personal differences..

havent 2 persons come together to get married to each other because they realised that they are able to accept and see the goodness of each other? then why is it after the marriage, people says different things? more than often i heard that my gf complaining that the husband complained that "you should probably watch your weight" after her pregnancy. MAN - why are you complaining so much?! isn't all these sacrifices done for you?

i would want to get married and have a couple of children one day but sometimes what i see and hear from my friends, it is just so scary.. it becomes a disillusion.. this is a big gamble when comes to choosing the right husband.. what if it all went wrong?

everyone thought it would turn out to be a good dream. it is good if it turned out to be what you expect. what happen to a dream turn bad? it is a nightmare that you cannot imagine..

once lost...

2006-03-13T14:15:00.000+08:00

just last week as i was taking a train to work, i took out the usual ezlink card that i hid in my little bag compartment since i hardly use it especially now that i take the private bus to work... looking at the card, it just came to me that i am still using the ezlink card that belonged to my ex-bf... and somehow it just warmed my heart and i smiled...

i think it was also because i have not seen him for quite some time though we "talk" to each other with simple "hi" and "how are you?" when we managed to catch each other on msn. to be honest, i quite miss him and his boyish smile... i told him about this when we met on msn just that weekend... and co-incidentally, he had the same realisation on the same week too...

silent came. noone spoke anything further. perhaps both of us have just moved on with our lives with different partners. i guess we still do have feelings for each other but it seems pointless to talk about it anymore (or rather i think so..)

nonetheless, we had a little of each other and we joked that we would keep that little piece in our heart. how many people would be able to do that?

*my heart smiled*

you don't understand me or what!

2006-03-09T15:53:00.000+08:00

i don't understand if people seriously don't understand instructions or there is a problem to my language! when i said "check your email" means of course that there are things that i want you to know but yet i didn't include in the sms-es that i sent to you... so why can't you just check your fucking email rather than i have to send a 3-page smses to 9 people and when obviously everyone would have questions which means i have to reply more than once to 1 person... then for what do you need the email when nobody bothers to check and read?!

when the message read "meet 7pm at xxx", is it not clear enough for anyone?!

damn! i am in a fucking bad mood!

my update

2006-03-09T10:09:00.000+08:00

actually i have nothing much to write about but maybe it has became a habit to update a bit pieces of my life here and there so that people know that i am still alive and kicking...

i am weary and luckily it is the thursday today... because i don't need to work tomorrow!... things are all planned out for this weekend... another weekend that i don't get to see my group of gossipy girlfriends... how long have i not seen them? (let me see my calendar...) i think it has been almost a month that i have not met up with them since chinese new year! *goosh* hehehee.. do you girls mizz me?!

hey... next week is already yong's rom! need to get something for her, manz...

when you just wanted the simplest way out

2006-03-01T09:36:00.000+08:00

sometimes it is just the way of life... *SIGH*

it is obvious that when you just wanted the simplest way to get out of a situation, it did not allow you to and all ways to make things difficult..

yet when there are obvious easy way out, man just choose to go round the big bush...

though it is very disappointing but is that really the way of life?

unhappiness...

2006-02-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

hi all, am back from hong kong after 9 days of work and fun... but yet, i am now abit unhappy...

why is it that the same situation happened on different people have the vast different responses? that is so unfair... i am fed up with these...subjected to people's comments, their different eye views and gossips behind my back...

this is my life so why do i need to care about how these people view or comment about me?! if only they can leave me alone... let me breathe... let me lead the life i choose or want to be... if i have chose wrongly, then let me learn my mistakes and let me regret...

it is just a thing between 2 persons and why has it gotta do with the other lot of people? can't they just mind their own f**king business? don't they have better things to do besides being nosey?

worse, now i can't just ignore nor leave it alone cos it begins to bother other people too...causing problems to other people... i don't want my stuff to give anyone problem/trouble...

~leave me alone and let me make my own choices~

Post Valentine Day

2006-02-14T15:52:00.000+08:00

it has been quite a while since i last wrote on my blog i.e. quite unusual of me. i have been terribly busy at work for my festival and finally it ended on last sunday. could feel that i can finally breathe normally! though i am busy & tired but i feel happy and enjoying it.

yesterday was valentine's day. so how's everyone's valentine day?

it can be a celebration with your gf/bf, friends and families. i enjoyed mine thoroughly..for once, i leave the planning to my guy! i seriously think that he is a very sweet guy...(at least for now i think he is) hahahaa...

first surprise was when the flower boy showed up @ my house to deliver a bouquet of pink roses...no wonder he was asking if i am going back to office...

second surprise was when he booked 2 tigerairway tickets...we are going to hanoi in may to celebrate his birthday!!!

third surprise was when he drove me to saf yatch club to have dinner...by the water with the sunset...

last surprise was when he hid a necklace in the car for me...

greatly appreciate him spending effort to plan everything and sacrificing his sleep despite that he had to work that night from 1am to 3am.

and i am gone to hong kong tomorrow for another 9 days for biz...hmmm...how i wish he can come along...

hmmm...think i will miss him hovering around me...

=====

got this email yesterday from a gal-friend...

find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
who calls you back when you hang up on him.
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
who holds your hand in front of his friends.
wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

~have you found him?~

Relax and Recharge

2006-01-23T08:19:00.000+08:00

i am back from my krabi trip!!! Good trip i suppose, 4days 3nights...

away from the noisy city and being uncontactable... ok, it is not exactly that quiet because it is now bustling with lotsa caucasians, getting more commercial. it is a matter of time that it will become somewhat like phuket.

we stayed in ao nang district on the main island of krabi that is near the beach. it is just a 5mins walk to the beach and you can see the sunset - beautiful! but it is also scorching hot there as compared to the rainy season in singapore... all the 4 of us were tanned and burnt in the process..

sunset in ao nang

we did sunset canoe, snorkeling, island hopping and sun bathing. the surrounding islands and caves are very nice, nothing that you can see in singapore or malaysia. the water is so clear that you can see the fishes and the corals..bamboo island (i think)

taken on the speed boat

and of cos, dont miss out the traditional thai food that they sell on the roadside. warning - only try eating if your stomach can take it. dont risk it and spoil your holiday. spent relatively little on this trip (about S$400 in total) partly because i also did not go crazy shopping and all thanks to my "finance advisor". all i bought was a seashell bracelet, a monk pants, a bag and a top (which i think it is abit too small for me).

now i feel better, recharged before i start going stressed and crazy over my festival. definitely would like to return to krabi and stay for a longer period if there is a chance.

the chao-da me on 2nd day...

Craving for my trip

2006-01-12T10:25:00.000+08:00

this week is a superb short week for me... only worked 4 days and i am off to krabi tomorrow morning for 4 days.

yippee yippee ya!

desperately need a break before my festival starts in 2 weeks' time. and as usual, i need to work whilst family and friends are enjoying their chinese new year. but, i am fine cos i quite enjoy working during public holidays since it can be quite boring staying @ home if you have nothing to do...

looking forward for this krabi trip - for the sun, sea and sand! but it has been raining non-stop these few weeks and am worried that it might be the same in krabi. if so, i can't enjoy my sun and the sea.. =(

am praying hard to be shining sunny. i wanna be a sun-tanned beach babe when am back on mon..

wanted to go hong kong in feb... all ready to submit my travel proposal till a "decree" came in from the boss.. oh wells.. *crossing my fingers*

Colour Me

2006-01-05T09:52:00.000+08:00

YELLOW

You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

touching..

2006-01-03T16:46:00.000+08:00

an email just came in from my friend this afternoon...

touching storyline and not forgetting the nice song and lyrics...

for those that i might leave out, enjoy the show...

http://card3.silversand.net/diy/image/090666.swf

you might have a different perspectives and new understanding.

=====

it is said that god made each woman from each man's rib bone and they are unique and perfect for each other.

then why he has to break his own bone?

new 2006, new resolutions, new hopes... what else?

2006-01-03T09:50:00.000+08:00

-3rd day of year 2006-

a new year means to have new hopes, new plans, new perspectives and get unfinished things to be done in the new year. usually i dont plan resolutions because i know i wont keep to it or in the other sense is that i think my life is good enough and am pretty much contented with what i have - a bunch of buddies whom i can share my woes, a boyfriend whom i feel he loves & cares for me far enough, a family that i need not worry much, a job that i am happy with so far. isn't that good enough?

i did not do anything great over the weekend. just spent my time with my love ones and friends, learning what new happened in their life before embarking on their new journey into 2006. a couple of interesting events happened over the weekend.

(1) i was @ the lawyer's with one of my friends talking to the lawyer on drawing up separation paper. (2) got to know my gal-friend decided to "break up" with her boyfriend of 7 years. (3) a newborn baby was brought into the world last night.

***

interesting to know from the laywer that separation/divorce has been made so simplified and easy in Singapore. so long that no child is involved and if both parties are agreeable, a couple can be divorced within 6 months after they ROM for as short as 4 months -- this is called annulment.

as i was listening to his explanations on the different procedures (annulment, separation & divorce), at the back of my mind, "how worthless a piece of marriage paper can be especially if no customary ceremony is being carried out!". i can be a part-time marriage legal consultant... hahaha...

of course then again, there was so much hype when we were planning for the 1st wedding in akino. =P

***

surprised by 1 of my sec sch gal-friend that she has "broken up" with her 7-year boyfriend especially when she was so looking forward to his return from australia 1+months ago. another case of things happening at the wrong time for both parties - girl: all ready to get married and settled down. boy: just back from studies in australia, looking for a job, very much still wants to enjoy life with friends and not committed to be tied down.

***

finally got an sms from feli last night! her little baby boy decided to pop out to take a look at this new beautiful world! going to visit her and the little one tonight.. am so looking forward.. so heartwarming to start 2006.. =)

a super long essay for the 1st blog in 2006.

=====

may everyone has gotten all their hopes come true in 2006 and live their life to the fullest without much regret!

THE piece of paper..

2005-12-30T11:00:00.000+08:00

as i am sitting in front of this computer typing away,2 of my friends are facing 2 different kinds of decisions that somehow is related to a piece of paper. the difference is that 1 is the pree and 1 is the post of a sequence.

the marriage paper and the separation paper.

***

she faces 2 guys - a guy she loves for years, stood by him & giving him all the support. but he is always causing her hurt & unhappiness. the other guy is always giving her the attention, stable in career and new to her. now her bf proposed to her as she is standing at the crossroad, deciding to either dump the luggage at crossroad and move forward or carry on carrying the luggage and drag it along, hoping that she has made the correct decision.

can the leopard change his spots?

***

he married the woman that he thought she was the one for him at that point in time. but she failed him, breaking his heart. all that linked the both of them is a house - a house that they have never stayed before, a house that was once filled with their hopes. with each of them found new purpose in their life, they come to a point to sign the separation paper.

***

then i wonder what significance has the marriage paper left? is it just a "passport" to get a new flat? where has all the vows that was made in front of the jp? was it meant to be broken? how can 1 be sure to follow through all the promises that were being made for life?

What's my No. 1?

2005-12-27T10:30:00.000+08:00

Moi shoulders are aching.. Longed for a good shoulder massage...

Looking forward to the Krabi trip in Jan.. Wanna do spa, pampering myself... Bask myself in the sun, sand & sea... Forsee that I will be broke again..

Hope everyone has a good Christmas holiday and another on New Year...

How fast... Times really flies...

=====

天蠍座

癡情第一名，扮酷第一名，魅力第一名，冷冰冰第一名，理智第一名。

Beginning to dislike weddings

2005-12-20T17:22:00.000+08:00

Attended a gal-friend's wedding last night. It was the most unbearable wedding dinner so far. Not because of the food nor the company that is sucky but the whole thought of it.

It was unbearable because I could see someone else going through the whole thing.. from the video, walk-in, champagne popping, yum seng, photo taking sessions... oh man... The images just came to my mind like a video.. i cant imagine this happening on me... Goosh.. i dont know if i am all ready to go through this...

It is an irony when you dont look for it, it came to you. When you thought all are going well, something has to happen. Sigh.. i never expect this situation to happen to me... not even in my wildest dreams...

Then again, what's new? Weird things just kinda attracted to me and follow wherever i go..

Looking at my friend, sometimes i wonder if having someone to be attracted to you despite you are attached and especially when your other half is neglecting you and worst of all, starting to irritate and anger you with his actions and speech.

Is this a good time and excuse to leave then and test out the new pastures?

=====

am beginning to dislike weddings...

What is a LIE?

2005-12-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

A lie is : -

1. A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood.
2. Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression

A white lie is : -

An often trivial, diplomatic or well-intentioned untruth.

Is a white lie supposed to be less hurtful? A lie is when someone tries to cover up the truth with something else. If someone deliberately did not mention the incident to you, then would you still think that he/she lie? But based on the definition, they just did not tell you, they did not attempt to cover up with something else.

What if one day you realised that they have not been telling you things that you have considered most important thing of all? Would you feel cheated?

It is already not easy to handle the looks that people give, let alone the things that people say...

My Samurai Code

2005-12-06T15:26:00.000+08:00

Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla

Honor: You are a person who is firm with his/her beliefs and treat others as you are treated. People would consider you humble at times and very respectful, and someone to definitely respect back.

=====

On seeing this. you probably be thinking that I must be very "eng".. hahahaa... but I was still doing a bit of stuff here and there... Anyway it is difficult to be a good person.. sigh..

Weekends are over and coming again!

2005-12-06T10:09:00.000+08:00

My eyelids are dropping... closing... am so freaking sleepy... just a sudden wave of sleep worms has attacked me!!! So I am here doing my blog since there isnt much things at work.. correction: i have done what i need to do so all now is waiting for replies.. s-l-o-w..

How was everyone's weekend? My weekend was okay... very much recovering from the drunkness i had on friday @ dbl O. Bad choice to mix tequila and beer -- at least not for me! Was almost hugging the toilet bowl when i went home and on saturday morning...

A little bit of saga though... hahaha... since I was so high, I was kissing guys!! Oops!!! hahaaa... That caused my bf to be perpetually watching after me the whole night..

OK OK -- i admit i sound evil but it just felt very *shiok*!

Anyway, mau, if you are reading this entry, you might wanna know that my bf was tiny-tweeny bit uncomfortable (or jealous if you wanna say so) when I was drinking with you.. hahaha.. his cousin was warning him to be careful of you.. kekekeee... and of course for the others reading, not that we have anything BUT we are just very good buddies!

I had fun that night and hope you had fun too!

=====

Warning: Drink don't drive; Drive don't drink.

His friend's car got into an accident on the way home and luckily only the car is injured.

My Life Rating

2005-12-05T09:34:00.000+08:00

Just got an email from a friend to do a quiz on a rating on my life...

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7
Mind:	6.5
Body:	8
Spirit:	6.8
Friends/Family:	5
Love:	6.9
Finance:	6.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score is reasonably high. This means that you are on a good path. Continue doing what is working and set about to improve in areas which continue to lag. Do this starting today and you will begin to reap the benefits immediately.

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather good body score, which is an indication that you take care of yourself. There is room for improvement, however. Please keep doing what works. Eat right, exercise, reduce your stress, treat any illness. Doing these things will help ensure your body will be in good working order for a long time to come.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score is relatively high, which means you are rewarded by your beliefs. Spirituality is clearly important to do. Never let it slip, and continue to learn and grow.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score is not bad but can be improved. Maintain your current social net, while you try to expand it. Try new things and form new friendships. You will be rewarded greatly.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. You have a rather good financial score, which is not all that common these days. Keep doing what works. Avoid common pitfalls and save for the future. You will be glad you did.

=====

http://www.monkeyquiz.com/life/rate_my_life.php

First December posting

2005-12-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

Today is the first December posting on my blog on the 1st December 2005. Haven't exactly been very busy recently but yet strange to say, I didn't have much time to update my blog. Probably I am also spending a bit more time with friends and bf and so everyone seems to know whats going on in my life.

Getting busier @ work..Stress level going up..Staying late in office..the usual lifestyle is creeping back. Getting both tired and sick easier recently..

Happy to receive first wedding news from a friend in my close group. Excited to be the emcee and "sister".. all crazy ideas are oozing out from our little "peanut box"!

Good to meet up with volunteer friends in a wedding couple of days back and again in 2 weeks' time for another. Feel great to see that everyone is getting on well and still as crazy as ever -- no wonder we were in the camp committee! Ha!

Last night had a drink with colleague and surprisingly, we shared our innermost thoughts and feelings. Didn't you feel any better and great that one can actually find someone whom you can share your innermost secrets with? No pretense. We are just ourselves -- our true self

Happy Posting

2005-11-15T11:32:00.000+08:00

Been some time since I last did my entry... Start of November has been good for me... =) Life has been as usual, if not, better and keeping fingers crossed that it will continue on...

Friend is discharged, recuperating at home... Went on a short trip to KL with bf, bought a lot things for myself... Had a good celebration b'cos it was my birthday yesterday... Friend just got me to be her wedding MC next year... 2 wedding invitations coming for the next 2 months...

Almost 1.5 months into this r'ship with Maurz.. First year celebrating birthday with him.. Been happy so far and first time feels that am in a mood for love.. *oops* He's good to me and "bullied" by me and I am guilty of the latest incident on my birthday..

Unknowing and being insensitive that he might be planning to celebrate my birthday with me on Sun, I happily arranged with friends and i showed my temper when i thought he wasnt keen... =( Instead of surprising me with the cake, wine and my present, he in the end gave up his initial plans and celebrated with my colleagues altogether at Punggol Park... Am touched when i knew his plans and blamed myself for jumping into conclusions too fast..

Haha.. it felt so romantic for the first time and a guy who did so much for me... *blushed*

=====

happy... happy... happy...

It Pained Me...

2005-10-24T10:23:00.000+08:00

I just need it to get this load off my heart, my mind, my thoughts... It is affecting me too much...

I never never expected that I would ever have any reason to go to IMH and furthermore, to visit a very good friend of mine... Not now... Not @ this age...

I got a call on the Sat morning from a good friend, X. The news that she brought me caused me literally jolted out of my bed and shook me wide awake. "K is admitted to IMH!" My good friend is admitted to IMH... How can that be? How did that happen? I am shocked... She is still so young... She was alright when I saw her 2 weeks ago... Yes, she was depressed and on medication for panic attack but not that serious to the extent of hospital admission...

So I went to see her yesterday with X. My heart went all out to her, my dearest friend.. When I saw her, she seems normal but we all can feel that she is not... She is not her usual self.. Where did her usual self go to? Now, she is just like a kid... She does what she wants subconciously... It is just like what she said to us, she is having her second childhood...

I just cant believe that my good friend has broken down like this... Like X said, she went through so much to get to where she is now and she just lack that bit--just that little bit to get all worth... Why? What has the future install for her now? So many a time I holding back my tears when I saw her yesterday. B'cos I did not want her to see me cry and she doesn't need this from me now..

I pitied her boyfriend cos apparently he does not know how to handle her. Can he live with her for life? Although it may all seems unfair to him, i just hope he endure to the end b'cos I cannot foresee what will happen if he were to leave her now.. Her world will just fall apart and come crashing down...

No one knows when she will fully recover.. When she will have a relapse.. This is a long term treatment.. She just need a quiet space to rest and recuperate..

I admit that seeing her like this, badly affected me... It just saddened me.. I was in the depressed mood the whole day.. But i am very glad that he was there for me when I am down.. He didn't try to talk me out of it.. he just let me talk and cry.. I guess what more can I ask for...

=====

girl, be strong.. get well.. we're all here for you.. though i know you wont see it but it is okay.. so long you can feel it, that's good enough.. see you on sat again..

First Times...

2005-10-17T10:19:00.000+08:00

For the weekend that just passed, I experienced a lot of "first-times"...

For the first time, I actually went over to my bf's house..

For the first time, I am introduced to my bf's mother and chatted with her..

For the first time, my bf is enthusiatic about meeting my parents..

For the first time, my bf met my parents and had dinner together..

For the first time, I see that my brother is talking to my bf...

For the first time, my little niece "interrogates" my bf as if he is my husband-to-be...

For the first time, I had the shoulders of my bf to lie on when am high on alcohol..

For the first time, I went to Rouge with my friends and we all had 4 jugs of long island tea..

For the first time, my bf stayed overnight at my place..

For the first time, he stayed and accompanied me at home on Sunday..

For the first time, we went onto a barge for Redbull's product launch on the waters near marina south..

For the first time, we missed a movie when we bought tickets for it..

For the first time, I feel that this guy is good to me..

But yet, I suddenly feel scared. B'cos for the fact that he treats me so differently from the rest of my other ex-bfs.. I actually for once felt this is so "honey-moon period".. And I am afraid to lose it once all these become in my possession.. Hence I do not wish to "open" & "fall" for it..

OR have I unwittingly fell for it already?

Man & A Hole

2005-10-14T12:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I went to attend a performance by a local puppet group - The Finger Players. It was not the usual children puppetty but an adult puppetry. It is an interesting performance and would strongly recommend friends to watch it - Twisted

It talked about people falling into a hole that consumed them but everytime, they would manage to get out of it and get on with their life... How many a times do we feel that we have fallen into a hole - dark, cold and endless..? But each and every time we somehow managed to climb out of it. Maybe from another angle, the pit is just a time out for us from the others to recover and heal from our wounds and hurt...

Or others may find that they have a hole in their life or heart that is waiting to be filled... waiting... waiting and just waiting...

I particularly like this verse that is taken out from Twisted and would like to share with you.

=====

Revisiting old haunts and hurts at every round

Losing their faces and their voices at every turn

Caught in an endless spiral, in an endless flux

I only hope

I've at least burned a small hole in your heart

Perhaps that's my destination, on the road

I hope

WhEre aRe YoU

2005-10-06T15:40:00.000+08:00

After a few days into the new r'ship, he has left for Hong Kong early this morning with his bro, cousin and friend for a 4-day trip. Meaning I am back to my singlehood for the next 4 days.. Woohoo!

Ok, i shall not be that bad to be so happy lah.. But at least I am back to meeting my friends and not his friends, brother or cousin... Somehow i feel this is a different r'ship that I have compared to the previous ones.. He is so enthusiatic to introducing me to all his friends and families.. Wants me to join in his gatherings/outings.. always holding my hands for the fear I will run away but yet trying to keep a distance in case i feel suffocated..

When comes to friends, i can handle all of them with ease but when comes to his parents, hmm... maybe because i have no experience at all so when he told me to go to his house, i refused to because i dunno how to handle them.

i saw Mau's blog.. he is facing a dilemma at a crossroad.. I was there once but i guess i just didnt bother anymore after some time.. I just dun wish to think anymore.. Should it come, it will just come.. He/She is the one or not, doesn't matter cos the mystery will reveal itself in due course.

=====

oh man, another 2 hours before i can go off to meet friends for dinner and i am almost sleeping on my desk... He is happy shopping in HK (as of his latest sms)...

*)%#&%)(#!%&~

A New Start

2005-10-04T02:17:00.000+08:00

Just not long ago, I have decided to give myself and the other person a chance to start out something. I am not sure if everything is gonna work out, but I would never know unless I give it a shot...

I just feel that he is a nice guy.. always giving in to me.. going by my way.. Been very understanding and patient with me. I agree that he is much more into me than I am into him but he said "there is never a balance in a relationship as you can never measure equally..."

I guess his sincerity just touched me. I guess I never expect there is ever someone who will be so into me as I would be into him.. I am crossing my fingers that I won't hurt/disappoint him... oh man... i can feel the pressure myself...

This is a time for adjustment - career, friendship & relationship!

=====

So wish him good luck on this...

Friends OR Ex-es?

2005-09-29T12:20:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I had dinner with one of my ex-es. He was in fact my first bf when I was in JC. Though after we broke up so many years, we still maintain contact as friends, council mates, jc mates...

We kinda meet up once a year to catch up with each other to see how's everyone doing (partly also because in case his gf gets jealous). BUT, they are finally getting married next year Nov. I am happy for them of course! Anyway the fact is we are over each other.

But how many of us will seriously be over our ex-es without the tinge that we are just friends? And I also know that there are couples who are no longer friends with each other. Should I then be glad that I am still friends with all my ex-es OR is it because I somehow still feel tiny tweeny bit of feelings for them?

After dinner with my ex, I went down to dbl o to meet up with another group of friends and was with them till 3am. My friend told me that his ex-gf is coming over then am kinda searching on his face..i am not sure if he is happy or what.. but there is a certain tone of mocking, especially they just broke up in July.

Then I am thinking if he really gotten over the girl or vice versa..

Can a couple still be friends and feel like friends after they broke up?

=====

Last night I saw a guy crying his heart out after he was drunk. I was dumbfounded and not knowing what to do..I could only sit & see him feeling helpless since my friend's ex was already there to console him..

A guy's tear is a more powerful weapon than any..i feel...

Perfect or Not?

2005-09-25T00:29:00.000+08:00

Recently i am into posting my "out of the blues" questions to friends and get them thinking. Other than if i am a flirt, bitch / slut, last night while having drinks with my girlfriends at Villa Bali, I just thought of this question:

"At the age of 35, if you found your 'dream' guy, but he is married. Would you then still carry on with this 'dream' guy OR would you settle for someone less 'perfect'?"

Out of 4 of us, 2 chose to settle for someone less, 1 chose neither and I chose the 'dream' guy - a seemingly wrong choice.. But when comes to feelings, who can judge right/wrong? Quoted from my entry on July 14, "If she loves u, it'll be no matter what other people may say. Her r'ship is more impt than what's right/wrong. Bcos of this reason, u may know some Scorpio women become a 2nd wife, a mistress." If I failed, at least I know I tried..

Some of you who have read to this point might be violently disagreeing with me but I do have the freedom of choice, isn't it?

OH! by the way, don't worry, I won't hit on my friends' boyfriends.. hahaha~

=====

那时我们总有好多话什么事都可以讲
我的爱情比你早却一直放在心上
后来你们之间的变化我不想再多说话
经过了相遇和挣扎我还是无法将他放下
那是多久后的事了有一天你突然问我
在那个时候是否也爱着他
我也很想他我们都一样
在他的身上曾找到翅膀
只是那时的他是因为你他开始飞翔
我也很想他在某个地方
我少了尴尬你少了肩膀
而夏天还是那么短思念却很长
还记得那年我们三个许下的愿望
星星骗了我们我们却因此上了一课
成长必修的学分
我们都一样

(From 孙燕姿-我也很想他)

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Tell Me Where You Are

2005-09-15T10:52:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine just introduced me to this new song and i thought it was quite a nice listen. The original is not the techno version but think it is more popular with the remix version. Hope you like it.

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Tell Me Where You Are
by Ago
Life without you is just right, can't you see?
I feel fine since you're gone, should I say disappeared
I kept holding all my tears since I saw you for the last time
I've been through another year
I must say that I'm a strong girl...
But tell me where you are, where you're sleeping at night,
tell me who do you love now, who do you miss now?
Tell me what you see when you're closing your eyes
If you ever remember when I was by your side.
(We could be friends though it's so hard
When two lovers fall apart.)

Runaway friend...

2005-09-10T03:25:00.000+08:00

For once in my life that i feel like running away...

Ok, this is gonna sound weird that for one moment am happy but the next moment now, i wanna run away...

I wonder if my friends were already right about me having high standards about potential guys.. am i looking for the perfect guy? If he is a nice guy, does that mean i can tolerate him having flaws... I dont mind if a guy is a poor drinker & he can sits down if he had a drop too much BUT not when he cant dance especially when he's gone...

Meeting everyday for 7 days is suffocating me! Please! Let me have back my personal space and time... I dont need a speeding friendship... True, I am an impatient person when comes to work etc... but in this friendship, I wanna go slow.. Why rush..

I wanna run away

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~i am scared~

HAPPY is in the Air...

2005-09-09T13:55:00.000+08:00

Met up with K and Xiu last night..Thanks to the call that K made.. I know they are very concerned and care about me.. Am grateful to what she said over the phone and I was so touched.. She reminded me of whats happening around me.. Threw me back to thinking...

I just wanna tell them thank you, I know what they worry about.. I am too.. If we are talking about a r'ship here, i dont think I am ready for it yet. Especially now this, everything is going too soon, too fast.. B'cos now, to be honest, I am enjoying the attention that I get and of course, at the end of it, there is a consequence. Moreover, I am not sure if I am up to commit anything now for anyone. I enjoy my late nights clubbing, pubbing, supper, mahjong and coffees.. Maybe in the past, I would have straightaway said that I am. But now, I think twice..

Last weekend, someone I am close with commented "What a flirt you are! hahaha" - I think I am!

I am feeling happy now..If I have to feel sad, let it come later..

ps: K, hope u take care of ya-self..

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By Astrology.com
Daily work - You're a magnet for attention and high-quality people right now, so work it while it lasts. Get as many folks as you can lined up behind you, and then work the magic you're famous for.
Daily singles love - Change is in the romantic air for you, and if that sounds like a negative or scary thing, turn your attitude upside-down immediately. When you're as hot as you are now, any change is bound to be amazing.

*Class 95FM playing: Thats Friends are For*

A New Friend = Car

2005-09-06T09:47:00.000+08:00

Recently I got to know a new friend. Seems like a nice chap (so far cos I only got to know him for like 2 weeks?) Cheerful guy on the phone.. there is alot of laughter.. But it seems that we never get to meet even when we arranged to...

Anyway we finally met for a real short while on last Friday night outside a club.. Weird right? And somemore he was high on alcohol... Then we happened to be at Zouk on Satuday night (he in Zouk, me @ winebar) and we didnt get to meet until i left in the cab to head home... He was also high on alcohol again... Hmm... Wondering if he is that a poor drinker or he had too much though..

So to apologise, he came over to my workplace yesterday to meet me for coffee but too much work to do, told him we'll fix for dinner instead @ 6.45pm. When I saw him at the roundabout, I got a shock when I saw the car! I mean yes, I know he drives but I thought was the usual saloon car like nissan sunny, toyota vios etc... But I saw a silver 2-doors sports car... Coolz!!!

hahaha.. ok... i admit i sound like a bimbo.. but hey, the car is cool and given his age, that car seems to cost quite abit.. I always wanted a 2-door car (if i drive & can afford.. hahaha) and envied those... then can blast music and what... the car top can be slided open... My!!! Am in LOVE with the car...

Hahahaa!!

Oops.. I side-tracked.. hahaha...

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afterthought: he reminds me of walter though.. his actions, speech, expressions..

Brewing Wedding Season

2005-08-29T23:54:00.000+08:00

Oh my... the wedding season is brewing again...

just got an email from Uni volunteer friend that she is holding her wedding dinner on 19 Dec... One of my good friend, leng, is ROM-ing on the same day... Sec Sch friend, Min min, just got ROM then serene... next year is xiu...

Has that situation come to me yet? The situation where I just get red bombs every year...

Leng was just asking me if I wanna help her with her wedding i.e. weddng planner... Yes! I want to... Hmm... probably i can make that into my sub-career.. free lancing...

but then hor.. wait i end up just doing wedding for others and not for myself... Muahahahahaa!

anyways i better not 害人害己！

Heart-warming message

2005-08-26T11:00:00.000+08:00

"Bzzz..."

The vibration from my mobile phone woke me up from my usual bus-ride sleep to work. It was a message from one of my tuition kid whom I used to volunteer in the past. She went into "disappearing" act shortly after our 3rd tuition this year.. Anyway I also kinda gave up hope on her though.. But we still msn once in a while when we see each other online.

So this morning, she actually messaged me to tell me that she got A1 for her maths prelim. I just felt so happy for her especially when she wasnt that good in her maths when I first taught her.. Although am no longer coaching her, I felt glad for her that she is showing some results.. But she only passed 3 papers and flunked the rest of her papers.. (*LOL*)

Ah well, so long she can keep up the good work and work harder, I believe she can do well for her N level this year! We had a pact that I will treat her to Fish & Co. should she pass her exams with 7pts for L1R4.. Am looking forward to give her the treat!

I supposed anyone who has done tuitioning before would be able to share my sense of happiness.. =D

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Yeah.. I am going to WOMAD this Sat! Hip-hip Hooray!